YOU AND YOUR CHILD: STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS IN YOUNG CHILDREN
Maintain a sense of humour. While many behaviour problems really are serious and a cause of considerable stress for parents, keeping things in perspective is important. The fact that the child utters a profanity, or breaks a vase, isn’t necessarily the calamity that it appears to be at the time. Of course, it is still important to employ the strategies outlined below but the ability to laugh, and not to take it all too seriously, is one of the more important things to keep in mind as a parent. Give your child a choice where possible, but set limits on this. Often there is a blow-up in the morning, when you are in a hurry, and your toddler is holding everyone to ransom by refusing to wear the yellow shirt. A limited choice — ‘Which shirt would you like to wear, the yellow one or the red one?’ — will give your child a sense of control as well, and often avoids setting up a confrontation. Observe the two fundamental rules of behaviour modification: reinforce wanted behaviour, and ignore unwanted behaviour. Most parents generally do not pay enough attention to children when they are good, that is, they do not sufficiently reward and reinforce desirable behaviour. Try to catch your child being good, and let him know how pleased you are about it. Praise him verbally, or with a light touch on the shoulder, a cuddle, or even an unexpected reward, such as an icecream. Similarly, wherever possible and appropriate try to ignore undesirable behaviour (see Temper tantrums, p. 144). Obviously, there will be times when this is not appropriate. In these circumstances, use the ‘time-out’ technique which is described below.
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