DOCTOR’S NOTES: SEXUAL PROBLEMS
Many patients find it difficult to speak to their physicians—and even their partners—about sex because they are so focused on surviving the disease and adhering to treatment schedules. With so much to deal with, it’s not surprising that sex is low on their list of priorities.
The important thing to remember is that all humans are innately sexual, and the need for intimate expression doesn’t evaporate when a disease occurs. If anything, the necessity for physical intimacy and human warmth increases. One’s sexuality is an ever-present facet of the quality of life.
I’m happy to report that Greg and Linda were able to move forward with their sex lives because they had a solid foundation to build on. The anxiety issues they dealt with included:
• discomfort in sexual situations
• concern that the partner wouldn’t accept physical flaws
• fear of harming the other person
Finally, there is the charming story of Jacob and Dorothy, who came to see me one day not long ago. Their story encompasses the range of sex in a relationship and merits telling. Having heard about the new medication, they wanted to see if it was right for them.
“I’m eighty-two and Dorothy is a few years younger,” Jacob said. “I’ll get right to the point. We have a fiftieth wedding anniversary coming up and we’re booked into the bridal suite of a very grand hotel. We still remember the first time, and how wonderful it was, even though I’ve been less successful as of late.”
“That’s something we’ve adjusted to, but we still touch each other all the time,” his wife added. “It would be wonderful if we could consummate our lovemaking more often.”
“If we can have it again—even one more time to celebrate in style —we’d be so grateful,” Jacob said.
Compatibility, a common sensibility, and mutual admiration are all markers of a successful partnership. As it turned out, Jacob responded extremely well to the medication, and they are still celebrating.
The emotional issues touched on here included:
• a remembered successful first sexual encounter
• a shared enthusiasm for a renewed sexual relationship
• communication, both physical and emotional
None of us is a mind reader, so I reiterate that you must communicate clearly what your sexual choices are. The first thing to do is define for yourself what satisfies you sexually. The next is to listen to what works for your partner. Adaptability and compromise are the markers of highly successful sexual relationships.
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